It has been eight months since I last posted anything on my blog. So much has been going on, I don’t even know where to start…but Ill give it a shot. I changed therapists since last year. She was helping me in the beginning, but as the years passed, I felt I was visiting my Aunt or my Grandmother every two weeks chatting about everything else in life, but the issues that matter to me most.
My fucked up childhood, my life after retirement from law enforcement, Depression, P.T.S.D., and most of all, the nightmares that continue to wait for me as soon as I fall asleep. The monster not only hides in my closet and from under my bed, but there waiting for me to close my eyes…just like Freddy Kruger from the Horror movie series Nightmare on Elm Street.
My therapist is a sweet woman, but she no longer had any impact on me like she did the first couple of years. It was time for change…So I decided once again to find a shrink that can at least explain to me why is it, that a 54 yr. old man like myself, a father, husband, grandfather and ex city cop, still having the same nightmares like I did when I left the foster home back when I was 16 years old?
Been seeing him for over a year now, and I still don’t have a fkn clue, excuse my language, why I’m still have those same dreams after being prescribe meds to keep the monster out of my dreams at least…To be honest, I don’t think he has any frigging clues what’s going inside my head either. But, (there’s always a but), at least he’s trying to knock on the door to that deep dark void inside my head.
I hear the knocking, not like I’m deaf or anything…but for some reason, either I’m too lazy to open the door, or, maybe, just maybe, I don’t want to open the door fearing what might be waiting for me on the other side. Either way, I have many stories to tell. If you think I shared everything about myself since I started this blog, you’re in for a surprise. So put your helmets on and tighten your seatbelts boys and girls….