I would like to believe that the Old Me is Dead and Gone, but my past always seems to creep up just to remind me that it’s never to far no matter where I am in life. At 52 years old, one would think that I have everything under control and that I am where I should be in life…but I don’t feel I am.
When I look in the mirror I find myself asking a question that I thought was already answered years ago…Am I Happy? Sometimes I feel I am, and other times I don’t. I do know one thing…when my grandchildren are around, I am the most Happiest. I forget about everything that ever makes me or made me sad in Life.
The Love they have for me is so powerful it overwhelms me…almost intoxicating to say the least. But my life is at a stand still for the moment. I feel like Bill Murray’s Character from the movie Groundhog Day. Outside caring for my grandsons, which I look forward too when they do come over, I feel like my life just repeats itself over and over again.
I can’t help feeling that no matter how hard I am try, I just can’t seem to shake off the ghost of my past. The monster still waits for me in my dreams even to this day, and I am reminded that I am still the scared little boy who feared the words Wait tillyou Father gets Home……I guess the old me isn’t dead after all.