Fear Or Not To Fear

What I learned throughout my life is how to control my fears, and trust me, I have a few of them. Lets start off with one that might be a common fear most of us share…Lightning! That’s right…that bright electrical freaky force of nature zipping across the sky during those hot summer thunder storms.

I was told it was God taking pictures of us when someone was doing something bad. From this storm that was brewing, I guess there was lots of people doing lots of bad things this particular summer Saturday. I was about eleven years old sitting in the kitchen eating cold cuts as we usually do on Saturdays, when I noticed looking through the window that the sun was fading and getting darker out.

I remember thinking to myself that it was too early for the sun to say his good nights but continued to eat my sandwich while still looking out the window behind my foster father from my seat. Just when I was about to take a drink from my glass, it started to rain and rain hard.

All the windows were open in the house because we didn’t have air conditioners, just fans. So my foster father got up to close the window behind him, while my other foster-brother and sisters went up stairs to close the windows in their bedrooms.

From where I was sitting, I just looked at them all  running around in a panic like chickens with their heads cut off, rushing to close all the windows throughout the house. To be honest the only thing missing was the theme song to The Benny Hill Show playing in the background.

Through the eyes and mind of a eleven year old… it was comical. It started to thunder which by the way, which I was also told that was the angels bowling with God and Jesus, followed by those bright flashes. Well, as I was watching everyone closing the windows I started approaching  the back kitchen window when a loud CRACK and BOOM blasted right outside the window.

 I jumped from the kitchen into the hallway in one leap that I landed on my ass. I got so scared I actually wet myself. Even my mother was startled and jumped back from the window. The dogs couldn’t run fast enough out of the kitchen and jumped over me while I was still laying on the floor in the hallway to run into the living room.

That was it…from that moment on I was scared of lightning. Throughout my adult life I dreaded thunderstorms, until about ten years ago. That’s right, I was about forty-two years old when I felt it was time to tackle my fear of lightning head on.

Now, all I needed was a good storm to brew so I could take my gloves off in defiance and go at it round for round…and I did just that…from the safety of my front door. Ok, so I wasn’t ready to stand in my driveway like a gladiator ready for battle.

I instead, opt to stay indoors in a safe distance from those lightning bolts that were flashing above the heavens. I guessed I wasn’t ready yet to take on my fear of lightning. But I made a promise to myself that the next thunderstorm I will be ready sooner or later…just didn’t think it was going to be sooner.

2 thoughts on “Fear Or Not To Fear

  1. Hello Kathy. Thank you for reading my stories. It wasn’t easy in the beginning doing this, but somehow I found a way…I stopped being afraid. The only way one can be truly happy in life is this…Let go of the past and all the pain it holds…took me many years, but that is what I’m learning through my stories. Keep the Faith alive and don’t let go.

  2. Kathy

    Just spent the last 1 1/2 hrs reading your blogs. Inspirational. I too am in therapy at the age of 56 and alot of things I buried in order to survive are coming up. I have faith that I can be truly happy someday. Thanks for sharing. Best wishes to you & your family.

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