Looking Back (part 1of 3)

I will get to the point and share with you all you my thoughts and feelings about my childhood and what I went through up leading up to my final  day living in the foster home. Only my Queen of 32 years know of my many stories I  shared with you through my blog. I have recently found out that my daughters stopped reading my blog once they reached my experiences living in the foster home. I kind of thought they weren’t going to read them just the fact that they have young boys of their own, and as they both put it, couldn’t imagine the thought of  ever treating their own children the way I was treated as a little boy.

When I was about fifteen, I always said to my then girlfriend Marsha that no matter what happens to me in life, someday I will have a family of my own, and my children would never know what it would be like to be abused by my hands, because I swore I would be the opposite of what I experienced  when I was a little boy till my teens. My daughters had a happy childhood, and my wife was very much part of that also considering she came from a big loving family that I was so envy of.  I never spoiled my girls, but I was and still is guilty of loving them so much that the word NO does not exist in my vocabulary.

They have wonderful responsible husbands who are also GREAT DAD’S!! I am also PROUD to say that both my son in-laws are fine and respected Police Officers in their community and very good at what they do. To Serve and Protect…that’s what we do best!! Now, Daddy’s Little Girl’s made me a Popi (Grand father) three times….all BOYS! May I also brag that we have a Beautiful step Grand daughter as well! So I can safely say that I kept my promise as a young teen of being the best loving Dad one can be to his children…something I never experienced in my childhood.

As for my parents leaving my oldest sister Gloria to watch over a family of eight so they could be doing whatever is they were doing was way beyond my comprehension for a five-year old. I recently obtained some records of our family history of our stay at St. Michael’s Orphanage Home. After reading a report typed by a therapist at the orphanage who interviewed both my parents separately, my mother and father gave their reasoning about why they couldn’t care for their own children and left us alone countless times only to have my oldest sister watch over us and be the main disciplinary figure in the household, was not only poor excuses that they came up with, but pathetic as well. The risk they both took not caring for us as responsible parents was insane as well as dangerous.

As for living at St. Michael’s Home I can only say this. I remember my time there before being placed in the foster home with my younger brother Timmy. I also remember going to pre school and church every Sunday. I remember being with my brother Dennis who was a year younger than me a lot more than the rest of my family. I also remember the names of my counselors, Mr. John and Mr. Jack. I remember going to Palisades Amusement Park in up state New York back in 1968. I always remember my real mother visiting us every Sunday. When she didn’t show up, my oldest sister Gloria did. I remember sitting on my dad’s lap as he would let us all take turns steer his car around the parking lot at St. Michael’s.

I remember enough living in the orphanage home. As a five-year old, I didn’t understand much as to why we were placed there , but can honestly say I really never had any bad memories that stayed in my mind as I gotten older. To be honest, I was just fine living there. I got along  with the other children I shared the dormitory with and I had a roof over my head and never had to fight over bowls, spoons and dishes as I did with my brothers when we were living in the projects. Not only that, we ate three meals a day and snacks after dinner! I was very happy living at St. Michael’s home until the day back in 1968, when this family came looking to be potential foster parents and wanted a little foster child, found out that I was to be part of the package deal.

My thoughts and feelings on that as well as my eight years living with them will be posted Saturday evening.

 

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