Just A Thought…

I couldn’t live two life times to tell all my stories on this blog, and I am trying to save most of them for the book that I am planning to write sometime this year. Besides my nightmare of a childhood for those eight plus years in that foster home, I have many other stories after that life. Like living in a group home for about eight months before being asked if I wanted to return back to the original foster home.

I also have many stories to share my experiences being homeless for four years till twenty-one, the age when I became a husband in 1983 and a father the following year. During the eighties, I became so irresponsible, it’s almost humiliating to even think about them. I can’t count how many jobs I held, and how many times I left my young wife home alone caring for our two little girls, while I went out to bars and clubs with my friends.

We may have been in our early twenties, but I was not ready to be, not only a husband, but a father as well. I had no business being married at such a young age. There should be a law that no one can get married til the age of  twenty-five, and I would have been the poster child for that.

But my life totally changed at the age of thirty-one, after ten years fighting to become a New York City Police Officer, turned out another Police dept. hired me instead…The Port Authority of  New York and New Jersey. But as always, that wasn’t going to be easy either, and I have one hell of a story how that all came to be.

I also have stories to share of my experiences on 9-11, where not only we lost the most Police Officers in law enforcement history, but how I lost a dear friend and partner when the North Tower fell on him and all those trying to save as many lived as they can. Back in the spring of 2002, I been diagnosed with P T S D { Post Dramatic Stress Syndrome} and suffering through Survivors Guilt even to this day.

So I will just cut to the chase here…I been battling Depression for the last thirteen years and continue therapy every other week…yep…this head is definitely broken, but at least I’m aware and not in denial anymore. I truly believe had I not turn down the over time to work, the count of our “Brave Police Officers” who died that day would have 38 and not 37.

One day, I will share my pain with you my days at ground zero that changed not only my life, but I will share how I almost destroyed my marriage, and broke the hearts of the three most important people in my life…my wife and two daughters. In time, I will share my three years being separated following 9-11, and will tell how someone saved my life from ending it all.

The reason that I am doing this blog and sharing my life to all of you is not for sympathy towards me, but hoping something  good comes out of this when this blog has run its course. If I can just reach out to the ones who are too scared or ashamed of their painful childhood, maybe, just maybe, I can change their lives for the better and help them over come their childhood demons and take back control of their Destiny and still become Successful in Life….I am living proof of that!!!!

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